"People are particularly stupid today"
-- Michele, from Gilmore Girls

A few days ago I ordered a 2GB secure digital memory card online from CompUSA, but decided to save some money and pick it up in the store. Then today my dad asked if I'd pick up a special 4GB compact flash card for him too, so I placed another online order after lunch and received a confirmation email shortly thereafter. It says conspicuously in several places that the items will be available for pickup within 15 minutes of receiving that email. So I figured four hours should be enough and decided to stop by the store after work.

As I'm driving down the road on my way to REI (I'm planning to go there first), casually reading signs, and I suddenly see the words "Comp USA". It takes a minute to register what I'm seeing. My brain has apparently replaced the concept of "Best Buy" with the name "Comp USA", and I was on my way to the completely wrong place. Thankfully the need to focus on turning into the parking lot distracts me briefly from the overwhelming fear that I have truly gone insane.

"Well, so far so good. At least I made it here in once piece," I'm thinking to myself. I walk into the store and one of the many sales associates directed me to the "business orders" desk. The guy behind the counter is talking on the phone, but I figure he can probably multi-task so I hand him the two separate confirmation emails. He comes back a few minutes later with the SD card and another piece of paper, directing me to give it to the cashier when I pay.

me: "What about the other card?"
him: "What?"
me: "I had two separate orders."

So he goes into the back again and returns a minute later, saying that the order must not have gone through for some reason and looking vaguely apologetic. I decide it's not worth the time and energy to get to the bottom of this -- after all, they probably have 15 more of the same cards on a shelf somewhere in the store. He points me in some kind of a direction and confirms that indeed they have more such cards "over there". Just then two other sales associates (probably about my age) were walking toward me so I decided to enlist their help instead of looking awkward and lost while trying to decipher the organizational system of the store.

me: "CF cards?"
guy #1: "What?"
me: "Compact flash cards"
guy #2: "You mean like a flash drive?"
guy #1: "Is this for a camera?"
me: "Yeah, it's for a camera"
guy #2: "I think so, they should be over by the entrance. I'll walk you over there..."
guy #2: "Is this like an SD card? I know we have some of those."
me: "No, it's a compact flash card. I ordered one online and for whatever reason the order didn't go through so I just need to go find the same model on the shelf."

We arrive at a wall with a bunch of smallish memoryish-looking packages and I tell him "thanks, I can find it." I start browsing but the dude is apparently getting paid to help me and is taking his job very seriously. Or maybe he just wants to see what they look like. I locate the SD and microSD cards so I start back in the other direction.

guy #2: "Oh yeah, here you go. Compact flash," and starts to hand me the first one he sees
me: "Actually I need a specific brand", and keep looking for the right model
guy: "Ah, you need a 1 gig." (looking over my shoulder)
me: "Okay here it is" (as I finally locate the high performance SanDisk card that Dad wanted)
guy #2: "Oh, 4 gig"

I didn't press the issue.

After paying for the two cards, I'm walking out of the store looking at my receipt and realize that the receipt doesn't show the date, the name of the store, or the information for the CF card -- it only shows the SD card and the total amount of the bill, along with 500 word essay on the CompUSA return policy. I sigh and reluctantly head back inside. By this time the cashier has vanished and I don't want to start snooping around his cash register without permission so I find another guy and explain the situation. guy #3 looks confused and shows it to someone else, who thinks he can look it up in the computer.

guy #4: "did you pay for this with a credit card?
me [thinking]: "what is this, a test?" (the card name and number are on the part of the receipt that he is holding in his hand.)
me [aloud]: "yeah, like 2 minutes ago."
guy #4: "I can't find it here. I'll see if Mark can print you another copy," and walks off

I wait around for about five minutes feeling very bored and somewhat incredulous at the whole situation. In the process I glance halfheartedly at the titles of many books that are sitting on the sale rack. There's a book on iPods and iTunes with a subtitle "the missing manual", which amused me. Apparently Apple's ease-of-use mantra doesn't completely eliminate the need for the printing industry (which, come to think of it, is good for me).

Finally guy #4 comes back with a sheet of paper and indicates that it, along with my other half-receipt, will (together) count as a full receipt. Somewhat bewildered by this "new math", and the mystical "Mark" who has created the pseudo-receipt, I resolve to myself to revise my mental lookup table so that, in the future, the concept of "Best Buy" will in fact map to the name "Best Buy".